The Official XS Creative Writing Thread-

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Ok I will lol. Contractions are monosyllabic, thereby aren't is one syllable and the second line is seven syllables. Also if I remember correctly, the 5/7/5 model is just a template, there are haikus which do not follow that formula exactly. It's been a long time since I did haikus so I may be wrong.

[la resistance]

Thanks LS for the words of advice! I wrote another little poem almost off of the top of my head. It is quiet rough for me and will repost after I see what you think along with my ode.

~Sunglasses~


The true face of a man must be hidden.
His faced looked down upon by society.
Laughed and ridiculed he retreats
Behind those shiny pair of glasses.

The true him shown only to a few.
Gentle and subtle yet always weary.
He knows how he is looked at
He feels the pain you think is funny.

Misunderstood he takes the beating,
Grinning on in the everlasting struggle.
Fighting to show the world himself
Without those shiny pair of glasses.

[Lord Sesshomaru]

Good flow, and it's pretty clear what you are talking about. Instead of those shiny pair of glasses, you might want to use a pair of glasses at the end of the first stanza. The title of the poem is called sunglasses, so I don't know if you are presuming the reader will know of the sunglasses from the title. Those is a pronoun which references something that has been previously mentioned in a story, sentence, poem, etc. Maybe you are figuratively saying that people are already aware of the sunglasses (i.e. persona, face they show the world) they hide behind. It's a minor correction, really just depends how you interpret and how you want the reader to interpret the glasses.

Aside from that, I'm not a big fan of the word everlasting in the third line of the third stanza. It's just a personal thing, there might be a better word which fits there. It's not a bad idea to add a comma in the middle of this line:

Gentle and subtle, yet always weary.

I think a pause in the middle helps the flow of the poem.

Outside of that, looks good to me.